Our Missing Piece

Seeing the Space or Appreciating the Picture

I once hid a small piece of my hubby’s jigsaw and watched for weeks as he put the pieces together. With just a few pieces left he slowly realised there was a piece missing. All that planning and sorting to create the perfect picture was ruined because of that one missing piece. 

He was annoyed, angry, upset, frustrated. All of those emotions, all at the same time. So I encouraged him to go to make a drink and to come back to the jigsaw later. Meanwhile I placed my hidden piece where it belonged. 

When he returned and the jigsaw was complete all those emotions were replaced with a feeling of fulfilment, pride and relief. His picture was complete and he felt good. Of course he wasn't best pleased with me but that soon passed!

Imagine if that missing piece was a family member who was always going to be missing. I don't think you ever stop looking for the missing piece because the picture just isn’t the same without it.

It got me thinking that maybe, how you view a jigsaw with a missing piece, is a bit like how you cope with loss. At first that missing piece is so huge and so noticeable that the picture becomes a blur and all you see is the gap. Over time that piece may not be as noticeable and you begin to look at the picture you have created despite there being a gap and you begin to appreciate its beauty.

This is how I see grief. Some days it seems that the picture you have created without the piece is ok but then other days the space in the picture is so noticeable and so huge that you can see nothing but the void. 

Our grandson Harry is our missing jigsaw piece. 8 years ago he was born still and asleep and this weekend we will be celebrating his birthday. At this time of year the missing piece in our family jigsaw is much more apparent.

There I am, living my life enjoying the small pleasures and feeling blessed then, WHAM, that missing piece just stares me in the face and my anger and frustration at losing that important part of my jigsaw rise to the surface again.

As we approach Harry’s birthday I find myself distracted as I entertain my grandkids at the local park. For some reason the park seemed full of young lads who could have been Harry’s age. Which one would Harry choose as a friend? 

Would it be the young lad playing football or the one on the zip wire? Would he be happy to build sandcastles in the sandpit with his younger siblings or would he be hooked up on some electronic game on his mobile phone?

Or is he still that little lad I met 8 years ago snuggled up in the pushchair wearing his stripey blue hat with his blue kangaroo?

Harry changed the way our family jigsaw looked. One of my hobbies is creating collages from photographs. Sometimes when I am putting together a collection of family photographs there is a space that just needs filling but none of my photographs fit. That's where I place an image of a robin or a rainbow and hey presto the picture looks complete. It’s my attempt to fill the gap and complete the jigsaw and include all of my grandchildren.

A very dear friend recently painted me a picture from a photograph I had taken of my grandchildren. She knows from experience that no matter how beautiful and well composed the image there is always a gap where your loved one should be.  She managed to fill that gap in my photograph by including Harry’s little blue car tucked inside his cousin’s pocket. Only someone who has a missing piece of his or her family Jigsaw could do something so special. 

4Louis have taken the idea of a jigsaw and created a corridor full of jigsaw pieces Every piece on their wall is a missing piece in someone’s family and those families are all connected by 4Louis. We are all connected by love and loss. Harry is up there and I thank 4Louis for finding a place for our missing piece on their wall of remembrance. He fits in perfectly.

So the next time you are doing a jigsaw and you find there is a piece missing try to focus on the big picture rather than the space. Be assured that the missing piece is somewhere close and you will find it in a place you never expect at a time you weren’t expecting. The feather that falls, the song that plays, the bird that sings. Gentle reminders that its ok to notice the space and be sad but also a little signal to appreciate the other 999 pieces of your jigsaw which in fact have created a beautiful image.

Happy Birthday Harry. 

15 05 2013