Ankle Socks and Frilly Frocks

Easter 2015

Whilst sorting out my journals this week I came across this list. It was written

 20 yrs. ago and it made me smile and reflect on Easter and why it is so special.

Here’s the list

Easter 1995

Things to do

·      Make and send Easter Cards

·      Mark GCSE Books

Buy

·      Daffodils

·      White socks with a lace frill

·      New shoes for girls (Shiny black shoes with a simple buckle )

·      Stuff for  Easter Bonnets

·      Egg Hunt Stuff

Interestingly I had made a similar list for Easter 2015. (I like making lists!)

Here it is

·      Make and send Easter cards

·      Easter goodies for Grandkids( Bonnets & Eggs)

·      New Clothes for Easter (socks and T shirts)

·      New cushions soft furnishings(yellow/green)

·      Marks Birthday Gift!!!!!

·      Sort out GCSE Practical Grades

It made me think about change and how some things don't change.

I know change is supposed to be good and we can’t live in the past but sometimes I think it’s OK if things stay the same. There are people missing from my life this Easter and everyday I wish they could be with us. However I know that their contribution to my life as a child is helping me to make my family life as fresh as it was all those years ago. Now that's something I wouldn't change.

Well today is Easter Sunday and it’s also my hubby’s birthday so there are several reasons to celebrate. Having said that I have always celebrated at Easter and I have always had that same sense of anticipation and excitement that I get at Christmas.

Spring is in the air, the birds are building their nests and for some reason I enjoy giving the house a good clean!

I just love the freshness that Easter brings. Maybe its down to a childhood where Easter was always celebrated and it is a time I remember fondly. Mum kept the Easter traditions alive and I suppose that's something I am doing in her absence.

On Good Friday I tried to explain to my granddaughter the rules for the day. I’m not quite sure she gets it, but like me and my daughter she will one day just know that hanging out the washing is not allowed on Good Friday and its got to be fish for tea.  These are just some of the things that my mum taught me and I am passing down the generations.

I remember always shopping for new clothes.  In those days it was C & A and Woolworths but now we have Matalan and Primark. I remember mum explaining to me that during Lent it was traditional for church goers in the olden days to avoid wearing fine clothes so when Easter Sunday arrived they would love to wear new outfits to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus.

This week I found myself in Matalan and I was I was drawn to the white ankle socks and frilly frocks. Now as a child I was not the ankle sock and frilly frock kind of girl but it didn't stop mum taking my 2 sisters and me to the local town and kitting us out in brand new clothes at the local C & A ready for the Easter festivities.

My children and grandchildren, like me, are not the ankle sock and frilly frocks type of girls but after half an hour, there I was at the checkout at Matalan with a trolley full of brand new Easter clothes for my grandchildren, frilly frocks and ankle socks included!

Woolworths was where we shopped for the stuff to decorate our bonnets. This week I went to The Range and B&M. I smiled as I filled my basket with yellow crepe paper, pipe cleaners and brightly coloured cotton wool balls.

Again I remember mum explaining that as well as the new clothes it was tradition to wear a new bonnet to church on Easter Sunday.

Well tomorrow we will be making Easter bonnets but I am not quite sure they will be fit for church!

There will be the traditional egg hunt then we will dress up in our new clothes and spend time with family and friends. If Im lucky there may be repeats of Jesus of Nazareth starring Robert Powell to make my Easter celebrations complete.

In the year she died Mum spent her last Easter making Easter Bonnets with us.

Today my children and my grandchildren as well as my Dad will all be together and we will once again decorate those bonnets. Mum will be watching and smiling and wondering how we would ever have managed without her collection of hats!

Happy Easter Everyone!

Easter 2010

Easter 2015

Every Picture Tells a Story

EVERY PICTURE TELLS A STORY

For me a photograph captures a moment in time. I take a photograph of something I want to remember. 

Only those in the know can see behind the lens. Only those in the photograph really know the story, but for me every photograph that I take tells a little bit of my story.

My photographs document my life. They remind me of the places I have been and the people I have met. I don’t often think about capturing a particular moment but when I look I back I am pleased I had my camera. Sometimes I ask myself "what ever possessed you to take that shot?" 

This photograph was taken on the 18^th December 2010.
It was my sisters 52^nd birthday.
Mum was in an nearby room.
She should have been on the photo. It’s the first family photo without her. There’s even a space where she would have stood and smiled with us, somewhere between Pam and my dad.

Mum died 24hrs later. We all knew she was dying, but we were all smiling on the photo. Why is that? 

Its because that’s what you do when someone points a camera at you. 

You hide your feelings and smile even if you are hurting. I still look at this photo and cry. I’m still glad it was taken. Its part of my life and part of my journey.

It took me a long time to look at the photograph below. I almost deleted it and I often wonder how and why I took it. 4 years later I am pleased I kept it. 

Mum was dying, but we were all there, we were all trying to smile but if you look closely you can see the hurt. We were singing Happy Birthday and mum wanted to be a part of it. I remember taking the shot and thinking "is this appropriate?" But I always took photos on family birthdays, thats what I do. It never occurred to me that this birthday should be any different. Of course it was so different.

 For Pam it was the last birthday she would spend with her mum and she knew it. I knew how hard mum had fought to be around for this birthday. It was her goal if you like. Pam kept saying its the worst birthday ever but she still smiled for the camera!!! Now I am different to Pam because I thought it was great that she could spend her birthday with mum and I just wanted to capture the memories. I know that Pam will struggle with this shot and I understand why. I just hope she understands what I see in the shot and why I took it.

Yes, it’s upsetting to see how ill mum was but as time has passed I now see the love in this photograph. I know there are those who may only see a dying lady but when I look at this shot I see a family loving a very special lady. I see her son in laws holding her hand, her grandchildren smiling, her daughters singing. Mum was actually trying to sing and she was smiling and she was pleased we were there.

So you see every picture does tell a story and I think that this one is quite powerful but I apologise if it hurts anyone. That is not my intention.

 12 months ago I found myself in a similar situation. My grandson was born still and asleep but there I was with my camera! I wasn't sure whether to take my camera into the delivery room or not, but the midwives said it was OK and so did Lauren and Nick. I remember Lauren commenting "Bet you've brought your camera?"Once again I just found myself taking photographs. I can understand anyone asking the question "Who would take a photograph of a baby that isn't breathing?"Yet it seemed the natural thing to do and I am so glad that I captured these shots.

Who would know from these photographs that the baby in the cot wasn’t breathing? That the little bundle cradled in his parents arms is asleep and will not wake up. The joy on Lauren’s face is real. The smile on Nick’s face is real. Harry was born and he brought joy. That’s what I see when I look at these photographs

Without my camera people would never believe the happiness that was in that delivery room if only for a short time. Only a handful of people met Harry and these photographs show how beautiful he was and how much joy he brought to those who met him.

Harry would have been one year old on the 15th May 2014. These photographs make me smile and for those of you that know me and my family you will know that they helped raise the awareness of still birth

                                                                                               

 For me, taking photographs  is so important

So I will continue to capture the moments of my life through a lens. 

I hope that when you look at a photograph in the future you will try to look behind the smile because……..

                          "Every picture I take does tell my story."