Harry's Day A Reason To Remember

15 05 2013

Harry’s Day

A Reason to Remember

Has anyone ever told you that things happen for a reason and you could just slap them in the face? It may have been after being rejected for that dream job or realizing that the person you love doesn't feel the same. It may be that you didn't get the grades in that test or forgot to enter the lottery in the week your numbers came up.

These are what my mum described as   “character building experiences.”

She allowed me to feel sorry for myself for a couple of days and then reminded me of the starving children in Africa and how I really didn't have any reason to complain.

She was a woman who had gone through some tough times. Widowed at twenty-six with 3 children under 5yrs old. I often wonder what she would say to those people who may have told her that things happen for a reason. She was always very reflective never stopped reminding us to be thankful for small mercies!

I miss mum every day but especially when I need some of her words of wisdom.

I wonder what mum would say to my daughter as I hug her when she sobs for the loss of her son who was born still and asleep almost 2 years ago

I remember mum telling me that there are those who never recover from the blows that life throws at them and there are those who turn to their faith but for the rest of us we reflect and wonder and eventually reconcile.

I wonder how mum would explain the death of a child. A child that never got the chance to look at you or take a single breathe. What reason is there for this? Mum would have known what to say and I am currently trying to find the right words to say to my daughter in what was always going to be a tough week.

Two years ago today is when my grandson Harry, stopped breathing. He would be born a few days later still and asleep.

A lot has happened in the last 2 years and most of it has been good. Life has indeed carried on and I have so much to be thankful for. Why then do I feel so sad today? So I am reflecting and wondering and trying to reconcile.

Harry was still born on 15^th May 2013 and today my daughter was struggling to think about celebrating his birthday. She used the word “dead “today for the first time in two years. She said that to celebrate a birthday you have to be born alive and Harry wasn’t (born alive) She asked why we should celebrate someone’s death.

I hugged her as she cried and I waited for Mum’s words of wisdom.

I explained to her that I always celebrate mum’s birthday and I always remember the day she died. Both occasions, to me, are special that's why we need to raise a glass to Harry on the 15^th May, this is indeed the day he was born and the day he died.

 Now I’m not sure she’s ready to raise a glass this year or even wants to remember that day. I was there on that day and much as I remember the trauma and I also remember the joy. I try to remind my daughter of the joy of meeting her son for the first time and not to dwell on the hours before or the hours after.

I reminded her of how we remembered Harry last year and although a lot has happened in the last 12 months, 15^th May is still a family occasion that should be remembered in some way.

This year is different she says. I listen  as she tries to explain her emotions. This year my daughter and her partner have adopted a beautiful baby girl. She is 15 months old and would not be part of our family if Harry were here. She is so happy that her family is complete but feels so guilty for being happy when she has lost a son?

I ask her what she thinks to the idea that things happen for a reason and I know she wants to slap my face.

I tell her that life is not fair. There are no explanations. There are no reasons. There is no reason why Harry died and why other children survive.

What I do know is that Harry brought joy into her life if only for a few hours, and her adopted daughter brings us joy every day. I feel lucky to be a part of their lives.

Harry will always be a part of our family and this year will be the first year that his little sister will be able to remember him. In years to come she will talk fondly of him just as his big sister does now. She will visit his garden and lay flowers and maybe release a balloon. It will be what the family does on Harry’s Day. We will not call it his birthday as that is something that may be difficult to explain. We will not be able to give reasons as to why he is in heaven but we will be able to say that he brought us joy and he brought us his little sister,

Now maybe one day my daughter will accept that some things happen for a reason but for now I will avoid the slap on my face and I will simply reflect and reconcile.

God bless little man!