My Moana Months

Living with a Toddler Through the Eyes of a Grandparent

My notice board if full of fridge magnets that make me smile. My favourite has got to be

"We child proofed the house but they still keep getting in!"

Well in August last year I was just coming to terms with having an empty nest.

I finally had a guest room! We had even bought bunk beds for the occasional sleepover. 

Then one day a tepee, complete with cushions, a book called “Oi Frog” and a Moana DVD  arrived in our living room.

That was the day I knew my empty nest days were over and my Moana Months had begun.

So it was that from August 2017 to March 2018 I had the privilege of watching a toddler grow and learn, but this time through the eyes of a grandmother.

Now don't get me wrong my daughter was around and was in charge of Oliver, but for me it was lovely to just watch and mentally record all those things that as a parent of 3 young children and a full time working teacher I had been too busy to enjoy.

My Moana months have taught me things about being a parent that I wish I had known before I became a grandparent. More than anything they have made me realise how important it is to enjoy, remember and share the magical moments that a toddler can provide. They have given me an acute awareness of time and how quickly it can pass.

Seven months as a parent seemed like an age, whereas my seven  ‘Moana Months’ as a retired grandparent have passed in the blink of an eye.

I have spent time actually watching childrens TV, reading books  and playing Moana on repeat. These became much more enjoyable than washing, ironing and cleaning.

I have loved my early morning cuddles and the smell of talcum powder after a bubble bath.

For some reason it didn't matter that my carpet was full of yogurt and strawberries and my windows were smeared with the remains of a cheese sandwich. The strings on granddad's guitar have taken a bashing and I have learned to enjoy a G&T minus the ice and the lemon!

During My Moana Months I seem to have gained a patience and a tolerance that I definitely lacked as a young mum and simple things have made me smile.

I have danced to the sound of the doorbell and gasped in delight as the microwave pinged.  I have taught  Alexa to play Old Macdonald has a farm and  sung  along to the soundtrack of Moana whilst  giggling at a chicken called Heihei and a guy covered in tattoos!!

I have learned to sign with Mr Tumble, travelled the world with Andy and laughed out loud at the Twirley Woos!

It seems that in my seven  "Moana months" I have also subconsciously recreated those good old days that I remember as a child.

We have made bubbles with fairy liquid and built a den with a clothes horse and some sheets. We made music with a bottle filled with pebbles, and had hours of fun with a bowl full of water and some pegs.

Oliver is 2 years old this week. My Moana Months are now over and its been a blast. Oliver and Emma have moved on. The tepee has disappeared and my guest room is restored. I was beginning to feel a little sad then I remembered the terrible twos and toilet training so now I will look forward to regular visits and the occasional sleepover safe in the knowledge that the tepee will not be returning anytime soon

Help I'm turning into my Mum!

How many of us have seen this phrase and smiled?

I'm not sure, that for me, that this is such a bad thing.

I have recently been looking through some albums with Lauren and Emma to find some resemblance of them in their children. 

Each one of the photos brought back a memory for them, which was really sweet. My photographs are my memories and I hope that I am capturing  memories for my own grandchildren. Looking through the albums made me think and reflect.

Today is mums birthday and I struggle because I have no photographs of  my mum with my grandchildren who so much resemble her own grandchildren.

The thing is as we were looking through the photographs, I was not really looking at the children I was looking at my mum and I saw so much of her in me.

The joy is so obvious in her face as she holds her grandchildren for the first time. I can hear her laugh as she danced with them at parties. Mum just loved to be around her family.

Its only now that I fully understand why she preferred staying at home rather than travelling the world.

Looking at my photographs I see me in my garden and in my home with my grandchildren and I realise that not only am I blessed but I am definitely turning into my mother!!!!

These few photos show how Mum didn't need to take her grandchildren to theme parks or on expensive holidays. She was happy to spend time with them in her own garden or at a local park.

So today on mums birthday I am not posting my favourite photo of mum, who smiles at me from every room in the house.

 I am posting a few photos of mum with her grandchildren to thank her because…

I am everything I am because she loved me.

Happy Birthday Mum

25 06 2018.

Losing a Loved One

Harry's Day 2018

I’m sure we’ve all used the phrase

“Sorry for your loss” when meeting someone who has just suffered the death of a loved one.

Well I’ve just finished reading a book called “The Keeper of Lost Things”

It’s really made me think about this phrase.

The book is basically about a guy who collects and labels things he has found in the hope that one day he will be able to return them to whoever lost them. Of course there is a message here as he has “lost” his wife and he is looking for ways to find her.

It made me think about the idea of losing a loved one. When I lose something, I can spend days looking for it. Going over my steps and replaying the days from when I last saw whatever it is I am looking for. I realised that that’s what I do with those special people who are now lost to me. I know they are not coming back but I still look for them particularly at certain times of the year.

Bluebells on Harry's Day 2018

I find those I have lost in my memories and in my photo albums. I find them in a song or a special place.

Well today is Harry’s Day.  I never got the chance to make memories with Harry and there are only a few precious photographs of him. So where do I find him? Well I believe that Harry is in heaven so I look to the clouds, to the birds, and the trees. I see him in the wonders of nature and each year I try to capture an image that will remind me of him and I place it in a special box.

Each year I write him a poem and that goes in the box. I am collecting memories to help me find my way through the loss that I suffered together with my family.

Birthday Card Sept 2017

After 5 years the box is getting full. Every year on my birthday and Christmas I receive a card from Ella Mae and it always has a little heart in it with the letter H inside. Those cards are in my box.

In the weeks before Harry’s Day I have found myself in a park with my other grandchildren and I look for other 5 year olds. I watch them climb and play football, I listen to them argue with their siblings.  I watch their parents protect them from falls and celebrate their small achievements. I imagine Harry as a five year old and hope that he has his sister’s giggle and his mother’s smile. I wonder whether he’d be a footballer or a dancer. Then I wonder if he’s a five year old at all or still that babe in arms that we met at 4.32am on Wednesday 15^th May 2013.

 

I try not to feel sad that Harry isn’t here and instead I look to Lilly Bet and to Bradley and know that they are here because Harry is not. One thing is for certain. Harry is not lost to us. Harry is in our hearts.

God Bless Little Man

Fly High!

Sylvia and St George

As St George’s day approaches I have been looking for signs of celebrating our National Saint, but once again there is little evidence in shops or local pubs. However as usual our family will be remembering St George and no doubt raising a glass or two.

It was St George’s Day 1964 that my mum buried her husband George, my birth father.  We were too young to attend the funeral and had no concept of dates or time but every year we were encouraged to remember and celebrate our very own St George on St George’s Day! Mum was always confident that the sun would shine and it would be a good day.

She was just 26 years old with 3 children under 5 when her husband died, yet somehow she managed to make the day she buried her husband into a celebration every year, even though she must have been feeling so sad.

I do often wonder why I don't remember seeing mum sad. Even when we went to the local church to visit his grave I remember it being a happy experience. It was where I learned to appreciate the sound of the birds and the shape of the trees. As an adult I have often thought about how this was possible.

Then last night I was watching Britain’s Got Talent and it all made sense!

Amanda Holden commented on an inspirational performance….

“Some people let tragedy define them,” she said

“Whereas others allow it to shape them”

There it was! That was my mum! She had not allowed her tragedy to define who she was, she had used it to shape and forge a future full of good things all the time remembering who had made these good things possible!

I remembered the extract from her journal from St George’s Day 2004 when she describes talking to George and tells him how their love has shaped our future.

“Well George I don’t think we could ever have envisaged our daughters being so successful. Pamela whose name you tricked me into giving her. Well she is in America a marketing manager and still keeps the Sanders name. Sharon, the easy going placid one who went everywhere on your shoulders, is a teacher and Wendy is a wonderful homemaker living in Belgium. I am at peace here with you and I feel you are with them all the time. Yes George, I am shedding a tear but because of our love there are three very special girls who have enriched so many people’s lives. There are grandchildren to carry on the family feeling and through the sadness there is also happiness”

I feel blessed to have been surrounded by so much love all my life.  I feel fortunate never to have suffered a tragedy at such a young age. Some may say that losing a father at 3 years old is a tragedy but I never remember feeling sad. Mum shaped my life by constantly reminding me of the beauty of small pleasures rather than allowing the loss of my father to define me.

The sun was always shining on St George’s Day when I was a girl and hopefully it will be shining this year.  If by any chance there is some rain I shall be looking for the rainbow and counting my blessings!

Happy St George's Day

April 23rd 2018

A Coincidental Coffee

A Coincidental Coffee or A Message from Mum

It’s Mothers Day again. As I wander around the shops I can’t stop myself searching for a card that mum would like. It’s been more than 7 years now but that overwhelming feeling of grief just catches me unawares.  As I look through the displays and read the sentiments I get that lump in my throat and I know I need a coffee. That's how I found myself sitting alone in M&S thinking of mum.

Now I’m not sure what you think of coincidences but I believe there is more to them than we may think.  You see I don't normally have coffee alone and I definitely don't have coffee in M & S so when an old lady sat near me and started to chat I decided to stay a while longer.

She had noticed that I was alone but I explained it was a rare occasion for me and she was welcome to join me. She smiled and told me how this was her first trip out since losing her husband. Her family lived away and her grandchildren were all at university. Her daughter had told her to go out and meet people so she had got on a bus and come to M &S where she used to shop with her hubby. But she had noticed that everyone seemed to be with someone. That's why she chose to sit near me.

Mother's Day Card 2018

I didn't like to leave her alone and I had nothing spoiling so

we continued to chat.

She asked if I had bought anything. I told her I was looking for a mother’s day card but had failed to find one that I liked.  I enjoyed telling her how I usually make my own cards, as I can never find the right verse.

I remembered a similar conversation I had had last year with a young shop assistant. I explained to the old lady that mum liked small cards with a simple message rather that what mum referred to as “Top of the Telly Cards”

The old lady smiled and got out her purse

Inside was a newspaper cutting. She handed it to me and said

“I like this verse” she said “It was in the local paper so I cut it out”

I unfolded the newspaper cutting and read the verse.

“That's just perfect,” I said. I took a sip of my coffee and handed back the newspaper cutting.

The verse that the old lady carried in her purse was the one I have written on every card since mum died.

Loved you then

Love you still

Always have

Always will

Coincidence? Maybe.

Message from mum? Most Definitely!

Happy Mothers Day, Mum.

R Sharon