A Date with Dad

 Don Williams, Diet Coke and Dripping Sandwiches

Last week I found myself sobbing into my diet coke and reflecting on how I came to be sitting in the local pub on a Thursday night, swaying and smiling and crying with a group of lovely people, all pushing 80, singing old songs from their youth!

At the time, Ron was singing a song for his wife on their diamond-wedding anniversary. She had died last year and he cried as he sang this old Don Williams classic. We all felt for him and sang along to the chorus to show our support

“You placed gold on my finger

You brought love like I'd never known

You gave life to our children

And to me a reason to go on

You were my bread when I was hungry

You were my shelter from troubled winds

You were my anchor in life's ocean

But most of all you were my best friend”

Dad singing along with Ron in the background

I’m here with my dad. He suffered a broken leg more than three months ago and this is his weekly outing to the pub. The only way he can get here is if I taxi him there and back. At first it was a bit of inconvenience but as the weeks have passed I have come to appreciate how important these three hours are to my dad and I find myself learning new things about him every week.

Apparently “57 Chevrolet” by Billie Jo Spears is one of Dads favourite songs. Shirley sings it for him and dad laughs as he joins in on the chorus.

“They don't make cars like they used to

I wish we still had it today

The love we first tasted, the good love we're still living

We owe it to that old '57 Chevrolet”

As Shirley sings, dad talks fondly of his first car and how he always fancied a Chevrolet.

When Joyce sings “Three Coins in a Fountain” he recalls a time when he and mum went to visit Trevi Fountain in Rome and they threw in 3 coins just like in the movie.

I’ve also discovered that dad knows all the words to “Gypsy Woman” and if anyone sings a Jim Reeves song he can be sure to scowl at the depressing lyrics.

Its little snippets of information like this that I would miss if I weren’t sitting with dad at his local. It takes up just 3hrs of my week and now it’s not an inconvenience but something I am sort of beginning to enjoy.

We usually arrive at Dad’s a couple of hours early to help him get ready and look his best! Sadly no matter how hard he tries he will never really look his best. He wears clothes that are at least one size too big for him and he looks much older than his 76 years. He struggles to bend his knee and I can see the frustration on his face as he once again has to ask me to tie his shoelaces.

Since dad broke his leg, life has changed so much for him. Everything is such an effort but on a Thursday night he makes the effort!

Thursday seems to be the only day he has a shave and wears a shirt! I smile as he grins when he announces he is wearing clean underwear. He knows that I don't believe him, but he also knows I’m not going to physically check!

Just before we leave the house he takes a look in the mirror and always asks, “Will I do?”

He then walks towards the front door with his frame, stooping and limping as he avoids placing weight on his injured leg Yet he smiles and mumbles to himself in his broad Yorkshire accent

“Come on you old man get thi sen going”

He checks the door 4 times to make sure it’s locked. We pass the 1984 Bentley Mulsane standing proudly on his drive and check that that's locked too. Then we approach his Rover 75, 15 years old with only 35,000 miles on the clock and he checks that that too is locked. He trundles up the drive with his walker and I know he must be wondering when he will be fit enough to get behind the wheel again. The truth is he’s not been safe behind the wheel for a few years so to me, this injury is a blessing in disguise!

Getting into our car takes another 10 minutes as Dad negotiates the walker the car door, the car seat and the seat belt, all the time cursing his bloody knees and his daft leg!

It takes me 5 minutes to drive to the pub but another 10 minutes to get dad out of the car as he once again struggles with the aforementioned car seat, car door and walking frame!

Just outside the pub there is a tattooed guy having a smoke but he notices dad approaching with his walker and he holds the door open telling dad to take his time.

“ Come on old fella” he says, “they’re playing your song!”

The first pint always goes down well

Getting to the pub has been such an effort and such hard work but he arrives at the bar with a huge grin on his face and orders 2 pints of John Smiths and pint of Diet Coke! That first pint hardly touches the sides!

The first time we took him to the pub after his fall he was greeted with smiles and good old Yorkshire humour

“We thought you’d deed, t’old fella”, announced Norman from behind his organ.

“You can’t kill me off that easy,” replied dad as he admired his freshly pulled pint of John Smiths!

For the first couple of weeks I casually observed the regulars and smiled as they approached Norman the organist holding old notebooks full of handwritten lyrics.

Each one who took to the floor looked really smart. The guys were wearing matching shirt and tie and a pair of braces to add to the effect, the ladies were all colour coordinated with matching jewellery and shiny shoes wearing trouser suits or twin sets. Now I understand why looking smart is so important to dad. In his day dad was a good looking guy and all these women would have been proud to walk out with him. Here he has competition and I think he knows he’s not the man he used to be. That said it never stops him making a pass at the young woman behind the bar or any of the widowed women we sit with!

In between songs I try to talk to these widowed women. Mary and Joyce are both profoundly deaf but their friend Beryl repeats everything I say very loudly and they smile and nod at me and we all know they still have no idea what I just said!

About 10.00pm there’s a break when the barmaid produces a plate of dripping sandwiches on plain white bread! I find myself becoming strangely nostalgic as I tuck into my dripping sandwich and try to enjoy my diet coke!

This was how it used to be back in the day of WMCs.I can vaguely remember sitting in the local club with my nan and my aunties singing along with the turn on the stage. We took our own sandwiches and mum and her sisters had a little bottle of gin in their handbags as the guys brought tonics from the bar!

Today it’s the age of gastro pubs and Wetherspoons.  Locals are closing and with the decline of WMCs it is little pubs like this one that are keeping that old community spirit alive.

Dad makes his last pint last forever

I understand why Dad wants to come here every week. Its full of like-minded people and it serves good beer. For three hours every week he is in his comfort zone having been thrown out of it when he broke his leg back in April.

Its true to say that if Dad had not broken his leg I would never had had the pleasure of watching dad smile and sing amongst a group of people who don't really know him but are always pleased to see him.

Dad has a long journey ahead of him so our Thursday night at his local will be a regular part of our weekly routine. I am finding things out about dad that he wouldn't think of sharing with me and I am discovering a guy who is probably the man that mum fell in love with all those years ago.

Meanwhile I have been and bought dad some clothes that fit him and a pair of slip on shoes. I’ve also bought myself  a notebook to jot down those little pieces of information that make up my dad’s life.

You never know I may even use the notebook to write down some lyrics to an old song I might find amongst the record collection in dads garage.

Pity I can’t sing…maybe I’ll learn!