Sleepovers, Social Media and Baby Loss Awareness Week

This week has been Baby Loss Awareness Week #BLAW.

In previous years I have spent most of this week at local hospitals supporting their events and attending their memorial services, both as a Trustee of 4Louis and as Harry’s Grandma

However, this year, I have approached #BLAW very differently. I made a decision to make memories with Harry’s siblings and cousin during this important week 

 

On the day I should have been meeting the local bereavement team I was searching for conkers near our local pond with Harry’s cousin, Oliver and his brother, Bradley.

On the morning of one of the memorial services I was watching Harry’s sister, Lilly Bet, jump into the deep end of the swimming pool for the very first time and when I should have been supporting the maternity team at a 4Louis coffee morning I was teaching Ella Mae how to sew a drawstring bag!

Just because I was not present at all the events I was invited to does not mean I am not supporting #BLAW.

Just because I haven’t posted on social media that this week is #BLAW does not mean I am not supporting it.

I have thought about Harry all week. I have taken every opportunity to talk about him and I have responded to all the posts and tweets that I have seen.

However instead of posting on social media I have privately messaged all those families that I have met over the last six years and let them know I am thinking of them. I wanted to reach out to those people who I know are feeling the same feelings as me. This week I have made time for those people.

Harry changed our lives and introduced me to a charity I didn't know existed. Six years ago I would probably have scrolled past any post on social media that was informing me of Baby Loss Awareness Week. Just as I have scrolled past similar posts this month informing me that October is National Disability Employment Month and Breast Cancer Awareness Month and National Cholesterol Month as well as ADHD Awareness Month.

All of these “Awareness” posts made me reflect on how to support and raise awareness of a cause that is very special to me. If I feel overwhelmed by all the  “Initiatives” happening this month then maybe others will just scroll past any post I submit about Baby Loss Awareness Week. I began to ask myself who was reading my posts and tweets and I found myself questioning my use of social media.

At this point I must emphasise that I love social media as a way to connect with people and I will continue to use it to raise awareness for all the charities that I support. However this month social media has highlighted how many charities need support in October. Like all of us who use facebook and twitter I am made more aware of the problems we all face and I use social media as a tool to raise awareness as well to raise much needed funds. However, I too am guilty of scrolling over many of the “Awareness “posts.

Its not that I don't care about them, its just that, as yet, they haven’t touched me personally so I suppose I don't really understand the impact they have. 

Losing Harry touched me personally in a way that I was totally unprepared for. He sent me and indeed my family on a path that we never imagined.

Six years ago I was one of only nine people who met Harry. Six are family members and three are midwives. We experienced, first hand, the impact that holding a child in your arms who will never open their eyes or take a breath can have. No words on social media can do that justice.

Don't get me wrong Social media has been a powerful tool to raise funds and support for 4Louis a charity very close to my heart.

I have met some amazing people and I am inspired by many others that I only know through their hash tag on Twitter and Instagram.

But this year I wanted to remember Harry without the help of social media. I wanted to make memories and if I got the chance I wanted to talk about Harry to people in his family whom he had never met and indeed who would not be part of our family if it weren’t for him! This weekend I did get that chance as Harry’s brother and sisters had a sleepover!

Harry’s brother Bradley is just starting to recognise people in photographs and he points them out and says their names. Harry can be found in small photo frames in most rooms in our home. As he pointed out his sisters and his parents I took the opportunity to introduce him to Harry.

As we were sewing and watching you tube on the computer Lilly Bet caught a glimpse of Harry and she talked about him and asked what he would be doing in heaven?

Ella Mae is very much aware of Harry and when she saw Bradley playing with the little blue car she explained to him that it was his brother’s car.

There have been no tears when we talked about Harry, just smiles and that is how I have remembered Harry this year…. with a smile.

Tomorrow is Wave of Light and I will light a candle and I will probably shed a tear and I’m sure I will post it on social media. I know and understand and accept that there will be some people who will scroll past it and I’m OK with that.

Social Media has a part to play in raising awareness but this week I have realised the value of stepping away from a screen to raise awareness where it really matters. In my case I realised that was very close to home. I talked about Harry to his siblings knowing that they wouldn't be here if it weren’t for a little man who I met six years ago who was wearing a stripey blue hat and was wrapped in blanket with a blue kangaroo.

God Bless Little Man.