Wheelchairs and Water Tablets

Tips for Travelling with an Ageing Parent

When I first suggested to my hubby that it would be nice to take Dad to Fuertaventura I’m not sure I was really thinking about the practicalities of getting him here. I was more focussed on the holiday rather than the journey. So for any of you thinking of venturing on an aeroplane with your ageing father  here are a few of the things I have learned.
First of all if your elderly father  is on water tablets it’s best not to take one on the morning of your journey. We travelled about an hour to East Midlands airport and stopped at every service station on the way. I had no idea there were 4 services stations and I also had no idea that nearly every disabled toilet needed a Radar key! In fact I had no idea what a Radar key was until this journey!

Apparently it’s a key you can buy that will unlock most disabled toilets. Well, being new to this disabled toilet stuff we don’t have a key. I soon discovered that the keys are kept at the coffee shop that you hurtle past on your rush to find the loo and that that coffee shop happens to be furthest away from the aforementioned toilet.

It is advisable to take your own wheelchair, you know the one that folds flat and fits in the boot.
Just be aware that that folding wheelchair takes up all the space in the boot and so you have to travel in the back seat with every other piece of luggage you are taking whilst your ageing father stretches out to enjoy the journey

                                                                                     ( in between toilet stops)
It’s also worth saying that after the third toilet stop and a father with a weak bladder the wheelchair needs to be sturdy enough to be thrown back in the boot with a certain amount of force as your patience may start wearing a bit thin!

Some of you may remember dad’s jacket. You know the one with the inside pocket that sticks every time he tries to unzip it! Well that jacket pocket now houses his money, his lip balm, his tooth picks and his handkerchief. Despite having several pockets he still uses the one that sticks and all of the above items are stored in that one pocket. 
Having used the facilities Dad needs to check he has all his belongings and refuses to sit in his wheelchair until he has checked that all of the aforementioned are safe in the pocket.
Imagine doing this 5 times after every toilet stop knowing that check in is getting very close to closing!

Talking of check in do not be fooled into thinking that priority check in and special assistance make checking in any easier or faster with Ryanair! Apart from rushing him to the loo half way through check in he was given a full body search as we passed through security and his wheelchair was scanned twice! 

I’m not sure his comment to the security guard assuring them he wasn’t carrying anything illegal helped!
Dad also carries a stick so I would recommend having some kind of attachment to the wrist for a stick as we had to go back to 3 toilets to retrieve his stick as he was too busy checking his bloody pocket!

Once through security you will have no time to browse the duty free or enjoy a beer as you will have to race to the gate so that you can be first on and last off a plane which may be delayed if your dad decides to use the on board facilities just before the plane is about to take off.

Whilst on the flight it may be worth quietly reminding your ageing father that you are travelling Ryanair economy so the wine will be warm and cheap and gently whisper in his ear that the young hostess is not fluent in the Barnsley accent and doesn’t understand his attempt at a chat up line.
“ Thas got a luvly pair o' legs lass”

You may need to practice that apologetic smile to the lady in front every time your father swings on her seat to help him get up out of his seat to use the facilities and 
 remind him to be patient as you wait for assistance to help us off the plane to a waiting wheelchair.
To say the journey was stressful would be an understatement. To say I have been on a huge learning curve is the most positive way I can describe getting here. 
I have a week to prepare for the journey home. I predict a couple more blogs and lots of alcohol along the way.
Wish me luck!

Old Friends and Photographs

Missing the Man in the Mirror 

My sister shared a photo of Dad recently and just commented, "Missing this man"

I smiled at the image and replied "Me too"

Its been a few weeks since we said our final goodbyes to Dad and although I have not shed tears every day I have missed him every day. 

When I retired 6 years ago, Dad became a huge part of my weekly routine. Monday we did his shopping and collected his prescription. Tuesday we organised a visit to the pub. Wednesday was cleaning and foot soaking day and Thursday was the sing a long at the local pub.. Friday he went for a pint with Uncle Colin and I ordered his taxi and Saturday was a day off with Sunday being a carvery or a meal out at another local pub.

In between there were hospital visits, chiropodist appointments and visits to the local barbers! I have a file full of Dad’s hospital appointments and another one full of his chequebooks. 

On Tuesday 24th August 2021 at 12.05am all that stopped!  

My routine would no longer include Dad and I hadn’t realised in that moment how much I was going to miss him.

We are all guilty of getting annoyed and frustrated at our elderly parents and I am no exception. Ironically it is those annoying little habits that I am now missing the most.

The way he tested the door 4 times after it was locked. The way he picked out the bits of strawberry in his strawberry trifle, the little whistle he made when he was getting bored with your conversation. His insistence on having Gammon Steak for a meal then spending the next 20 minutes using a toothpick to dislodge all those bits stuck in the gaps of his teeth! The way he washed his fingers rather than his hands and his fascination with the words on the beer mat. 

I miss the guy that placed beer mats over his pint pot, smiled at his reflection in the mirror and never went anywhere without lip balm and a toothpick. I miss the guy who never carried a wallet or paid for anything with loose change, instead he saved all his copper and silver coins in a box for when the grandkids went on holiday!

I miss the man who was always cold and hated flies. I miss cups of tea and crossword puzzles and reading the obituary page in the Barnsley Chronicle. 
I miss his selective hearing and his chat up lines. I miss his continual desire to get on an aeroplane and travel somewhere hot, not forgetting his need for the toilet just before getting on a plane, train or automobile.
I miss the guy who always stayed in the background supporting those he loved and cared about. I miss the guy who was a man of principle and strong opinions. This no doubt lost him some friends and most certainly lost him access to a few pubs in the village but it most definitely gained him respect amongst his work colleagues and his friends.

On the day of his funeral the church was full. This was an indication to me of how much he was loved and respected and how many other people were going to miss him.

 I had the privilege of  being  able to stand at the front of the church with my two sisters and read his eulogy. I called it Dad’s Dash or The Measure of the Man. The dash referred to the small dash on the headstone between birth and death. Although the dash is small it represents a whole life. As I was reading the eulogy I tried to take a mental picture of all those who had taken the time to come to church to remember Dad. 

There were old friends, relatives, carers, neighbours and drinking pals. 
But there were two guys sitting near the front of the church that I couldn't quite place. They followed us to the graveside and took one of the roses we offered and smiled as they placed the rose into the ground. I heard one of them say,
“There you go Gebber! See you on the other side!”
Later at the pub they came to find us holding three photographs of Dad as a young man. They were keen to add to Dad’s Dash! 

They introduced themselves as old friends and talked fondly of the young man they knew as “Gebber” A school friend and a work colleague. A guy who gave most of his wage to his mother but who saved up for a car and then took all his mates to the seaside for a day trip. They said he always said he wanted a big car and they were pleased to learn that he treated himself to a Bentley. They didn't realise he became a councillor or a JP but remarked that he was always someone who spoke his mind so it didn't surprise them.

They picked him out in the old photographs and they remembered the young man who played football for the youth club and who played the bugle in the boys brigade. 
They lost touch with him when he married mum. Apparently word on the street was that he’d met quite a catch with a ready-made family and they were sorry that they never met mum. Ironically they read the Barnsley Chronicle and that's how they had learned that he had died! They had come to the church together to remember their friend 50 yrs. after losing touch! 

That was the measure of the man. 
Once met…. always remembered and missed by many for lots of different reasons. 

We celebrated Dad’s birthday recently. He would have been 82. He wasn't with us in person but he was certainly with us in spirit. We went to his local pub. Drank his favourite beer and talked about him all night. We even read beer mats and took toothpicks!

Dad will be missed and I have no doubt that there will be many moments of sadness as we come to terms with our loss. However I also know that there will memories that make us laugh and most of those will include his quirky ways and his annoying little habits.
If you have an elderly relative or friend who is driving you mad with their quirky little ways, rest assured that in time those odd little habits will be the things that make you smile so treasure them and remember them and add them to your "Dash."