Pebbles Pictures and Personal Messages

 

When Grief Returns

This week has been Mental Health Awareness Week so social media has been full of ways to manage our mental health. Now I have taken a step back from social media but someone sent me a personal message with a link to an interesting little article about grief.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/stories-43227108

It explained how in the beginning, grief takes over your life and fills every part of it. The loss you have suffered is there when you wake up and is still there when you go to bed.  Then as time passes it may seem that the grief has gone away. You don’t cry as much you start to make plans you start to think that that you have gotten over your loss. Then a song is played, a memory appears on your social media account or you visit a place with special memories and there it is, all that grief comes flooding back. It may be years down the line. The grief hasn’t gone away its always there, but our life has expanded around it.   

Harry was born on 15th May, but it is 12th May that hits Lauren every year. That is the day she discovered that Harry had no heartbeat. Every year that is when the grief hits her. As a mum I know that, and I too remember that day in every detail as if I am watching it back on an old video tape. That is the day she needs more support or to left alone with her grief.

Today is that Day

A private message from Lauren simply says

 “I’m OK. I’ll let you know if I need you. Love you.” Followed by a blue heart and a blue car. I burst into tears and for a moment all my grief comes flooding back.

For me it’s the memory of that day and how helpless I felt as a mother watching her daughter suffer such distress. It’s the unanswered questions and the agonising realisation that my grandson was not going home to his nursery but Lauren was. How does she cope with that? Moreover, how does she manage for 2 whole days knowing that when she returns to the delivery suite it will be to deliver a little boy who will not fulfil any of the plans they had made as a family.

I deal with my grief by putting pen to paper or fingers to keyboard.

Every year I imagine Harry as a young lad and share all the experiences that we have enjoyed, and I imagine him being a part of it.

This year he would hit 9. He has 4 siblings and one cousin. We often wonder if any of those little people would be here if Harry had lived. Maybe that’s his legacy.

Harry is talked about. His picture is present in every family home, and he will always be Laurens eldest son. The next few days will be filled with grief and memories but there will also be family gathering balloons and quiet reflection.

I have just returned from a lovely couple of days with my sisters in a cabin on the Norfolk Broads. There was no TV and limited internet just a blue tooth speaker and good company. We played the songs of our childhood and danced like no one was looking! How appropriate that we should choose the first few days of Mental Health Awareness Week to be together and count our blessings. We have all suffered loss recently and we talked about our parents our pets and our friends. We remembered them all as we walked on the beach and made pictures from pebbles and seaweed!

 I’m pretty sure our kids think we are all a bit mad at the moment but one day I hope they too will enjoy the simple pleasures of a walk on the beach making pictures from rocks and spotting images in the sky when they are in their 60s!