Sylvia and St George

As St George’s day approaches I have been looking for signs of celebrating our National Saint, but once again there is little evidence in shops or local pubs. However as usual our family will be remembering St George and no doubt raising a glass or two.

It was St George’s Day 1964 that my mum buried her husband George, my birth father.  We were too young to attend the funeral and had no concept of dates or time but every year we were encouraged to remember and celebrate our very own St George on St George’s Day! Mum was always confident that the sun would shine and it would be a good day.

She was just 26 years old with 3 children under 5 when her husband died, yet somehow she managed to make the day she buried her husband into a celebration every year, even though she must have been feeling so sad.

I do often wonder why I don't remember seeing mum sad. Even when we went to the local church to visit his grave I remember it being a happy experience. It was where I learned to appreciate the sound of the birds and the shape of the trees. As an adult I have often thought about how this was possible.

Then last night I was watching Britain’s Got Talent and it all made sense!

Amanda Holden commented on an inspirational performance….

“Some people let tragedy define them,” she said

“Whereas others allow it to shape them”

There it was! That was my mum! She had not allowed her tragedy to define who she was, she had used it to shape and forge a future full of good things all the time remembering who had made these good things possible!

I remembered the extract from her journal from St George’s Day 2004 when she describes talking to George and tells him how their love has shaped our future.

“Well George I don’t think we could ever have envisaged our daughters being so successful. Pamela whose name you tricked me into giving her. Well she is in America a marketing manager and still keeps the Sanders name. Sharon, the easy going placid one who went everywhere on your shoulders, is a teacher and Wendy is a wonderful homemaker living in Belgium. I am at peace here with you and I feel you are with them all the time. Yes George, I am shedding a tear but because of our love there are three very special girls who have enriched so many people’s lives. There are grandchildren to carry on the family feeling and through the sadness there is also happiness”

I feel blessed to have been surrounded by so much love all my life.  I feel fortunate never to have suffered a tragedy at such a young age. Some may say that losing a father at 3 years old is a tragedy but I never remember feeling sad. Mum shaped my life by constantly reminding me of the beauty of small pleasures rather than allowing the loss of my father to define me.

The sun was always shining on St George’s Day when I was a girl and hopefully it will be shining this year.  If by any chance there is some rain I shall be looking for the rainbow and counting my blessings!

Happy St George's Day

April 23rd 2018

A Coincidental Coffee

A Coincidental Coffee or A Message from Mum

It’s Mothers Day again. As I wander around the shops I can’t stop myself searching for a card that mum would like. It’s been more than 7 years now but that overwhelming feeling of grief just catches me unawares.  As I look through the displays and read the sentiments I get that lump in my throat and I know I need a coffee. That's how I found myself sitting alone in M&S thinking of mum.

Now I’m not sure what you think of coincidences but I believe there is more to them than we may think.  You see I don't normally have coffee alone and I definitely don't have coffee in M & S so when an old lady sat near me and started to chat I decided to stay a while longer.

She had noticed that I was alone but I explained it was a rare occasion for me and she was welcome to join me. She smiled and told me how this was her first trip out since losing her husband. Her family lived away and her grandchildren were all at university. Her daughter had told her to go out and meet people so she had got on a bus and come to M &S where she used to shop with her hubby. But she had noticed that everyone seemed to be with someone. That's why she chose to sit near me.

Mother's Day Card 2018

I didn't like to leave her alone and I had nothing spoiling so

we continued to chat.

She asked if I had bought anything. I told her I was looking for a mother’s day card but had failed to find one that I liked.  I enjoyed telling her how I usually make my own cards, as I can never find the right verse.

I remembered a similar conversation I had had last year with a young shop assistant. I explained to the old lady that mum liked small cards with a simple message rather that what mum referred to as “Top of the Telly Cards”

The old lady smiled and got out her purse

Inside was a newspaper cutting. She handed it to me and said

“I like this verse” she said “It was in the local paper so I cut it out”

I unfolded the newspaper cutting and read the verse.

“That's just perfect,” I said. I took a sip of my coffee and handed back the newspaper cutting.

The verse that the old lady carried in her purse was the one I have written on every card since mum died.

Loved you then

Love you still

Always have

Always will

Coincidence? Maybe.

Message from mum? Most Definitely!

Happy Mothers Day, Mum.

R Sharon

 

Finding The Road To Happiness

Its hard to put into words how I feel today. So I have done what I do best and used my photographs.  

My eldest son Adam and his fiancée Dawn are celebrating their engagement with a party for family and friends.

I’ve struggled to capture many photos of Adam and Dawn as they  both avoid me when I have my camera but here are a few which I hope show how far they come in the last few years.

As I was putting this together it made me think of the journey Adam has had and how Dawn has enriched his life. Its fair to say that he has not always been easy but I am so proud of the man he has become.

If there are any parents out there struggling with a teenage son who truants school, takes up smoking and loves a bit of “wacky backky” then just have faith!

When Adam was about 14 he entered what I called his wilderness years! About 10 years in total!!!!!

I really did struggle with the choices he made and the paths he took. Had it not been for the support of my mum and dad I’m not sure that Adam would be where he is today. They had faith in him when I more or less gave up on him.

I always knew he was a good lad but Adam wanted to be a rogue for a while. He  explored all those roads that had a no entry sign. He went up a few dead ends and struggled to find his way back. There were definitely times when he knew he was lost but was just too stubborn to ask for directions.

Adam is now 31 and is a granddad to 2 wonderful little boys and an uncle to 4 nephews and 3 nieces. He loves being with the kids and I’m not sure he wants to admit he is now a fully-fledged grown up! He has a job with responsibilities and has found love with his partner of 7 years! They make a great couple

It’s taken a while but I really feel that he has now found his happy place with Dawn. They are making plans and are looking forward to their future together.

As a parent when you see this happening you know you have done your job. All those times when you doubted yourself disappear and you know its ok to relax and enjoy the next part of their journey.

I can’t wait to see where this new road takes Adam and Dawn. I’m sure there will be no dead ends or no entry signs.

Go explore guys and get lost together!

Bloody Vests and Eyesight Tests.

I love  the poem “When I Am Old I Shall Wear Purple” by Jenny Joseph. It’s actually called “Warning” and serves as a warning to the younger generation as to what to expect when their parents get old! 

I am reminded of this poem as I sit opposite dad at the local pub.

I wonder when did he think it was ok to sit in a public place wearing a vest that is tucked into his underpants and a pair of trousers with a broken zip!

To make matters worse the vest has several blood stains on it from an earlier nose bleed and his trousers are too big for him so his underpants are clearly visible when he gets up and walks to the toilet.

He seems to ignore my looks of embarrassment as he joins in with Shirley who is singing his favourite song  “57 Chevrolet.” He is oblivious to the fact that his Rothercare emergency alarm is on full view.  He’s happy to be out and amongst people who laugh with him, not at him. He is in his comfort zone.

I wonder what happened to the guy that would never go out without a tie and when a tie became too difficult to knot he wore a cravat!

Dad has always been a proud guy. He’s an ex miner, ex magistrate, ex councillor, ex governor… You are getting the picture. So I ask myself when did that change? Has dad lost his sense of pride or does age really bring that sense of carefree living that dad is currently expressing?

Now I have this idea that sometimes getting old must make you angry, frustrated even sad. I also reckon that the only thing worse than getting old is getting old alone! Now that would make me really sad! Yet Dad rarely shows any of these emotions. I look around the pub and it seems that everyone else has a partner then there’s dad.

I think about this. He’s been a widower for nearly 7 years. He’s the odd number around the dinner table, He’s the one too many when you are ordering a taxi and he’s the guy whose freezer is full of meals for one!

He rarely talks about being lonely and in fact he avoids conversations that might stir a personal emotion. He mainly talks about holidays and travel. He remembers the places he visited with mum. Always with a smile. He doesn't talk about mum much and sometimes I wonder if he misses her.

That question was answered recently.

He was talking to a paramedic who had been called to his home after one of his many falls.

The paramedic had noticed mums photograph and she asked about her and I listened as Dad spoke of mum in a way he rarely does.

Dad told the paramedic about the holidays we had been on and how mum organised them all. He was just the driver! As he chatted he reminded me of visits to Cornwall in his new Hillman Hunter and travelling abroad with a tent and a trailer. He gave all this credit to mum. “She was a fine woman” he said

Mum and Dad celebrated their Ruby wedding anniversary in the year that mum died. For 40 years he knew he had never been mums first love. That was George my birth father who died when I was 3 years old.  He wasn't even her 2^nd 3^rd or 4^th love. Those positions went to my 2 sisters and me! So he married mum knowing that he was well down the pecking order.

I’ve often thought he must have loved mum so much. Moving in with a woman with 3 daughters who were just about to enter their teenage years is too daunting for me to even think about!

So why does he struggle to talk about her?

As the paramedics were packing away their gear, Dad went over to the photo collage that I gave him at Christmas

“Look at all those beautiful grandkids she’s never met’’ he said

He shook his fist to the heavens and tells the paramedic that he’s got lots of questions to ask the big guy when he gets there.

Of course he misses mum and he is angry that she was taken away before her time. This was a rare moment when Dad let his emotions show!

When the paramedics had left I looked at mum’s photograph and wonder what advice mum would give me now.

Here I am, sitting with Dad who thinks its ok to sit in a pub wearing a bloody vest. He’s had a fall at midnight but didn't press his buzzer until 6.am because he didn't want to bother anyone so spent the night on the floor.

His optician has told him he has no peripheral vision but he still wants me to tax and insure his car!

He spends his days sleeping and his nights drinking and in between he reads absolutely anything with print on it.

Do I get angry with him or do I just make him a cup of tea? Of course I do the latter.

 I sit with dad as he looks through the travel brochure I have brought him and think I will mention the lack of underwear in the wash basket and the number of empty cans and bottles of wine in the recycling bin to another day!
I will go to the shops and buy clean vests and new trousers.  I will leave him details from Age Concern about the dangers of driving after a stroke and with poor eyesight. Maybe he will read the leaflets or maybe he will leave that information on the table and continue to plan his next holiday abroad and think about buying a brand new car.

Who can blame him? One thing is for sure when I am old I’m definitely going to wear purple!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=81wma4oa0oM&t=28s
When I am old I shall wear purple